Here at Counselling Connections this week we have been reflecting on endings. When a therapy is coming to an end it almost inevitably brings up reminders of life’s previous losses and endings. If this is negotiated well and talked through as part of the ending it can be a wonderful experience. It can represent, at last, the ending of a cycle which we may have been repeating throughout life. It may also contain all of the pitfalls that have kept such a cycle going for many years. If you can sit with discomfort around the ending of a therapy and express it as its happening it honours the work that has been done; the achievements of therapy and your relationship with your therapist.
This relationship with the therapist is one of the key things in psychotherapy. If you feel you can form a relationship with your therapist where you can reveal yourself to them it will make the therapy more meaningful and worthwhile. From time to time a client will report feelings of dissatisfaction with their therapist. If the relationship is good, these can be explored and worked through together. Sometimes we realise that the strength of our anger or frustration with our therapist is disproportionate. At times like this we can reflect on our relations with significant others. We may discover that feelings have gone unexpressed leaving residues which enter into subsequent relationships.
This can work in the same way with positive feelings towards our therapist. Again, it is not unusual in therapy for a client to go through a phase when they have nothing but positive feelings towards their therapist. In the white heat of the therapeutic relationship the experience of being listened to and fully heard can be exhilarating and we can for a time lose ourselves in admiration for the therapist. This can then be accompanied by what can feel like a sudden unblocking of pent up life force which is expressed towards the therapist. It can be painful but again there is great learning in exploring these feelings and working through them with the therapist.
There can be different kinds of endings in therapy. Sometimes a client feels after a period of time that they have covered quite a lot of ground and although they might not be completely finished with therapy for good that they want to bring the current phase of it to an end. This client may return to the same therapist at a later time or sometimes travel between a few therapists until they feel they have worked through what they wanted to. At other times the therapy can feel like its going through a phase where the material being uncovered is quite uncomfortable. We may have to struggle with the temptation to flee at times like this. If we can stay and manage to talk about it the hope would be that the issues which have come up can be dealt with and some finality can be achieved.
And then of course there is the therapy which has run its course and comes to a natural end. Rather than fight with the temptation to flee as in the previous example this time we may have to battle with the temptation to stay. In a secure therapeutic relationship it is a time of mixed feelings. There can be sadness as the end approaches. It is not unusual at this time to feel a warm regard or fondness for the therapist. The nature of these feelings will be quite different from the positive feelings described above. These are feelings of accomplishment; of a journey travelled together and of mutual respect. It can feel hugely empowering to feel that you are ready to leave; are ready to let go and make your own way in the world strengthened with all that has been gained as part of a good therapeutic relationship.
Counselling Connections, Dundalk.