Here at Counselling Connections this week everybody is a little put out. There are road works taking place outside our building and our end of the street is closed to traffic. Counsellors and clients alike have to make adjustments to their normal routines to work around the road closures. It has left a few people running late and coming in to us feeling a little stressed and harried. That’s okay though because stressed and harried is part of our stock in trade here; we can manage that. What the whole thing has highlighted is the difficulty we experience with any process of change.

The changes to the road system here are to facilitate cycle lanes. You would think that the outcome of these changes could be a positive addition to the locality. That is not how people are experiencing it. One of the aspects of this that is of interest to us is the apparent disconnect which leaves locals feeling that they have no part in the planning process. There is also the question as to the appropriateness or otherwise of spending taxpayers’ money on cycle lanes in these times when there are so many areas of the public budget which might be of higher priority. The sense of decisions being made far away that have no relevance to local needs feeds on this. This can leave people feeling that they are placed in a position like that of a child in relation to the planner who can take the position of parent. And this can bring up all sorts of frustrations form our early lives.

Feelings of disenfranchisement that are expressed in relation to a planning matter like this are also mirrored in how we experience change in other areas of our lives. Whether we are in relationship with a romantic partner, a business partner or employer we will from time to time be faced with changes that are not of our choosing. A first reaction to a proposed change is often resistance. Indeed, we can dig our heels in and became stuck in this part of the change process. One of the things that may lie behind this is a sense that we can never quite gain control over our own destiny. A new change proposal that leaves us with feelings of dread that we have felt over and again in our lives might be a sign, ironically, that we may need to make some changes ourselves. This is something that can be worked on.

The prospect of change can cause anxiety if we feel that we will not be able to respond to the additional challenges that the change may bring. This is a natural fear and one which is eased by some practical consideration of the new working arrangement. A partnership approach is hugely beneficial here in bringing people together and gaining agreement about a way forward. Real agreement involves taking on board the feelings of the other party. This is not often modelled well either in business or in matters of the heart. It takes a level of openness on the part of the person proposing the change and relies on their integrity and honesty about what they are hoping to achieve.

Each party in a process of change will have their own motives. For all that a period of discussion in advance of a process of change may succeed in alleviating some fears there will always remain some apprehension about the outcome. The disruption that change brings to our lives can really leave us feeling quite unsure. This can lead to a situation where somebody’s motivation can evolve into a resistance to any change. It can feel safer to avoid the upset at the disruption that change can bring. Sometimes it requires a little trust and a leap of faith that the outcome will be a positive one. And at other times change is painful and messy and calls for an amount of determination and endurance in making the transformation a better one.

Counselling Connections, Dundalk.